Cause I'm Movin' On...

Yeah yeah yeah hari ini aku rasa senaaaaang sekali...
Today was a full package of happiness ;)
Aku merasa lebih bebas... I've moved on :) Langkah terasa ringan, senyum pun dari hati terdalam :) Ayo rini! Jalani semuanya dengan ikhlas dan tawa :) Tak usah takut, tak usah bingung. Masa lalu, masa depan... Mereka terlalu banyak membebani. Mereka tak seharusnya memberatkan isi kepalaku. Setidaknya untuk saat ini :) Dan saat ini aku mengantuk, jadi ingin tidur :D

Just A Dream

(Uh uh uh)

I was thinking about her
Thinking bout me
Thinkin bout us (us)
What we gunna be?
Open my eyes, (Yeah)
it was only just a dream...

So I travel back (uh)
down that road (road)
Will she come back? (Uh)
No one knows
I realize (Yeah)
It was only just a dream.

I was at the top and now its like I'm in the basement
Number 1 spot, Now she find her a replacement
I swear now I can't take it
Knowing somebody's got my baby

Now you ain't around, baby I can't think
I shoulda put it down, shoulda got that ring
Cuz I can still feel it in the air
See her pretty face, run my fingers through her hair

My love of my life, My shawty, my wife
She left me, I'm tied.
Cuz I knew that it just ain't right

I was thinking about her
Thinking bout me
Thinkin bout us (us)
What we gunna be?
Open my eyes, (Yeah)
it was only just a dream...

So I travel back (Uh)
Down that road (Yeah)
Will she come back? (back)
No one knows
I realize (Yeah)
It was only just a dream.

When I be ridin' man I swear I see her face at every turn
Trying to get my usher on but I can't let it burn
And I just hope she know that she the only one I yearn for

More and more, I miss her, when will I learn?
Didn't give her all my love
I guess now I got my payback
Now i'm in the club thinking all about my baby
Hey, she was so easy to love
But wait, I guess that love wasn't enough
I'm going through it everytime that I'm alone
And now I'm wishin' wishin' she'd pick up the phone
But she made a decision that she wanted to move on
Cause I was wrong.

I was thinking about her
Thinking bout me
Thinkin bout us (us)
What we gunna be?
Open my eyes, (Yeah)
it was only just a dream...

So I travel back (Uh)
Down that road (road)
Will she come back? (back)
No one knows
I realize (Yeah)
It was only just a dream...

If you ever loved somebody put your hands up
If you ever loved somebody put your hands up
And now they're gone and you wish you could give them everything
X2

I was thinking about her
Thinking bout me
Thinkin bout us (us)
What we gunna be?
Open my eyes, (Yeah)
it was only just a dream...

So I travel back (Uh)
Down that road (road)
Will she come back? (back)
No one knows
I realize (Yeah)
It was only just a dream...
X2

Lesson Learned from HIMYM

Well actually I don't want to watch HIMYM again since it reminds me of something. But when FOX, MTV, and Channel V can't give me great shows to watch in these empty days, I end up with changing the channels and watch any random shows.

When it came to STARworld, HIMYM 4 was just about to start. I couldn't stop myself to watch, and I also thought that if I was ok enough to watch, it means I'm getting well. So I watched it.

It was about Ted and Robin solved all of their fighting with sex. They told all their friends, it's just a physical relationship. They didn't involve any feelings. Then Lily told them "When two ex-es try to be casual, someone's gonna get hurt"

But Ted and Robin insisted on dealing with no feeling. So the "problem-solving" actions continued. Then finally, Lily and Ted realized that it's Barney's heart which is hurt. So Ted decided to not continue that.

Lesson learned: When two ex-es try to be casual on doing the usual things they did before, someone's gonna get hurt. The hurt feeling can belong to one of the ex-es OR somebody else. Or both.

?

Life is a mystery. You don't know what the next thing the life brings you.

A Perfect Gateaway

Yeah, stop all the weeping Rini, it's time to raise your glass :D

I just watched a 2009 movie called A Perfect Gateaway in HBO Signature.


It was a grrrreat thriller movie, and also romantic. It's in a package! Rare, isn't it? I love it!

The story is about a couple killer in Hawaii. They kill couples who's having vacations in Hawaiian Islands. It's a bit unpredictable. But the reviews showed that this movie was just so-so. Well I don't think so. I kinda like it.

And I reaaaaally love the romantic scenes on the movie. The way the girl predicted how his boyfriend will act, and yes, he acted like that, but more surprisingly! It was sooooo romantic. And how he proposed the girl, it was so "ooooooooh"...
He's a kind of a man that most girls in the world dream about. Handsome, strong, loving, protecting, funny, smart, sporty, and... romantic of course.

"Honey, you really are, a real man."

The movie makes me dream about my dream man, and my dream honeymoon. I want to go on a hiking trail for my honeymoon, watch the sunset, and spend the night in the tent... So romantic and wild :D Then for the next day, we'll go back to the hotel, feel tired and just walk around...

Now that I'm single, I can have any imaginations about my dream man. Whoever he will be, he must be the one who make me the one :)

I Really Hope I Can Do That. Immediately.

Mencoba tuk melawan getir yang terus kukecap
Meresap ke dalam relung sukmaku
Mencoba tuk singkirkan aroma nafas tubuhmu
Mengalir mengisi laju darahku

~

I want a wind blows away all this frustrating thinking. I'm going crazy.

Full and Empty

My mind lives in an empty space. I tried to figure out, what should I do?
Now that I know what I have to do, I can't deny that I don't have the power to do it.
Seems like every step I'll take will kill me inside.
All the choices look scary to me. All the decisions don't make me feel right.

I want and I don't want to hate you. I want and I don't want to let you go. I want and I don't want to ignore you. I want and I don't want to forget you.

Why does it have to happen?

Then you said that you'll go from her. And when I asked why, you said that you don't want to see me hurt. Am I such a pity? Oh God, now I'm in the middle of two persons in love. Am I such a jerk?

I don't want you to choose me because of your terrible feeling for me. If you love her, then just go. I'll deal with this feeling. But why can't I accept it?

Then what should I do?

Oh God I'm so tired... May I ask for a hug?

The City Where It All Started and It All Finished

Nostalgic places. I see our old faces in every corner of this memorable city. I remember every moment, every dialogue, every laughter, every thinking. I'm ready to burn and bury them. Here. I won't bring them anywhere else.

Now I'm going back home. Refreshed and renewed.

Bismillah :)

Pinta Kecil

Tuhan...
Harus sesakit ini kah?
Aku ingin sembuh
Aku ingin pergi
Aku ingin lupa

Aku ingin sembuh...
Permintaanku tidak terlalu besar kan Tuhan?

To Whom It May Concern

Yes I waited for you for a year, but you wouldn't do the same for a month.
So, it's over.

No moments can return your feeling. No flashbacks can bring back your dream. No cries can touch your memory. No kisses can recall your love.

You did what you said you couldn't do, but not for me.
You've changed some of your elements, but not because of me.
Your heart has been tied, but not to mine.

Then go.
Go.

If there's a small, little love left inside your heart, for me, then the best way to love me is to forget me.
And I'm sure it's the easiest way. Because you've done that. All you need to do is to keep on forgetting me.

I'm done hurting people I know or I don't. And I really know that it's killing, it hurts so much to lose someone I love.
So I don't want anyone to experience that again. Especially if it's because of me. I'm tired of having those guilty feelings.

Second chance?
If that thing exists, never think to see me inside your box of choices. I'm not one of them. You tossed me in the trash, so I go. I'm a sailor, not a nymph anymore. Find me if you can.

And it may take some time to patch me up inside, since now you're just the best I ever had. No need to worry about me. You know I'm stronghearted, right? You may regret what you let slip away, but not me. Slipping me away is nothing to regret.

Thank you. And sorry for everything.
I love you. Don't make it any harder for me. Just be happy.

My Totally New Chapter

My mind is gone, I'm spinning around
And deep inside my tears I'll drown
I'm losing grip, what's happening?
I strayed from love, this is how I feel

This time was different
Felt like I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life

Now I'm in this condition
And I've got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry

Did it happen when we first kissed?
Because it's hurting me to let it go
Maybe because we spent so much time
And I know that it's no more

I should've never let you hold me baby
Maybe why I'm sad to see us apart
I didn't give to you on purpose
Got to figure out how you stole my heart

How did I get here with you? I'll never know
I never meant to let it get so personal
And after all I tried to do, stay away from loving you
I'm broken hearted, I can't let you know
And I won't let it show, you won't see me cry

It's over now. I have to move to another chapter. Another dream. Another plan.
I'm not a nymph anymore. I'm a sailor. I will go. Away from this hurt. Together with my other plans, my other dreams. With noone.
That's how God shows me His love. In my every laugh and cry. Cause there's where His love exists.

Sarang Hae Yo

I love you now
with my embrace
If you leave me alone
you know that I’m going to suffer

I love you, let us start again
although it’s hard
I only want you
Is our love a written fate?

Let me take care of those tears that’s suffering you,
The tears that suffering you I’ll return it all back to you now
I want you to smile
Just like me now

I love you, let us try again
Although you are tiring me
but I only want you
Our love is God’s fate

Smile

I've already known what's the problem and the reason why. So I shouldn't be that suspicious. I should be fine. I should calm myself down and think clearly. I should wait in patience. I shouldn't worry. I shouldn't let my tears drop.

I should smile.

No Use

See?
There is no use of waiting.

Only If I Could

I should have said it now, only if I could
Have a chat and laugh out loud, only if I could
Make a call and kill the distance, only if I could
Celebrate the joyful day, only if I could
I know what's happening now and I don't have to think about it more and more. Cause I know I couldn't handle it. And I should not wait, if I knew I couldn't. But I don't know why. I keep on waiting.

My Worst Night. Or Will There Be Some More?

"He doesn't need me,". I kept on saying to myself. In the dark room, when I lied on my bed. "He doesn't need me,".
I whispered the words while my tears were falling down. I turned my body under the blanket. I tried to sleep and I closed my eyes. But my lip couldn't stop saying and my body kept on shivering. "He doesn't need me,". I heard myself talking, again.
I told the cold air hundreds of words. I pretended there was him. Talked to me right in my ear. I answered everything "he" said to me. But when the words came out of his mouth, I could just shut my mouth and scream.
"I don't need you,". It haunted me in my sleep. I woke up, hoping the sun had risen and I had to get up. But no. Again, and again. It was still night. Sun was still sleeping.
I could finally sleep and I was awaken by the morning rush. And all I could get was his message.
"Go away".

..

I'm failed

I can't do anything to make you feel grateful
I can't do anything to make you live your life
I can't do anything to make you happy

I'm failed

I can't be your spirit, I can't bring joy, I can't give anything
Even my love can't do that for you

I'm failed
and I feel useless

Hello Engineer!

It's been a long time since my last post. And there are many changes during these last two hectic months. I've done my seminar, sidang, and I have graduated from college :D

The next day after my graduation day, I came to Taiwan to do my exchange, and now I'm in Taiwan and I'll be here until January 2011.

Thank God for everything I got until today :)

A Little Me

After I finally be with you, I realize

I realize that I'm small, I'm nothing

I'm nothing than you

That feeling made me push my limit and I was surprised of what I've got

I've got so much. From your sharp words, from your sarcastic talkings, from your directed discussions.

Even from your inferiority and your superiority.

I've got so much yet you're still faraway high.



Oh I swear God you're the kind that I wanna be with forever

But I still can't follow your amazing intellection

And still the you-don't-deserve-me thinking haunts me :'(



I don't want to embarrass you for having such a blunt silly girl like me

I'll push farther honey, I'll try harder to jump off my checkpoint :)